Friday, June 18, 2004
My Birthday has Officially Begun!
I am muchly excited to go home to Albany this weekend. My parents have planned a weekend of fun for my upcoming birthday. Since I don’t have a free weekend from now until the beginning of August, my parents decided to do an early birthday celebration with me. They are super cute when it comes to things like this.
Tonight we will have a “relaxing cocktail” (as my mom called it…and she doesn’t even drink!) and open up my presents. After that, we will go out to a classy type dinner. And then after that we will return to my house to play some card games. I’m pretty psyched about it.
Since my brother won’t call us at home until Sunday, I get to sleep in really late tomorrow morning. I can’t explain how badly I need a day like that. It’s been a couple of weeks since I had more than 7 hours of rest in one sitting. After I awake, my mom and I will go tanning since my body is a shade darker than a bottle of Elmer’s glue.
We will have a light dinner together and then head up to Saratoga to the harness track! Last year when we went, one of the horses broke free and ran away from the track. When it reached the fence, separating the track from the street, it jumped it and smashed the harness that it was carrying behind it. The crowd gasped and I felt the tears rising in my throat. (I’ve always hated any type of animal cruelty…fuck you I still like going to the track) A few moments later we heard the gun shot and the horse was killed in front of thousands of cheering fans.
Ok sike. The horse was never shot. I took it home and made a spot for it in my bedroom. In any case, the track is always fun when I go with my parents. We bet like three dollars on each race. Since none of us know anything about gambling, we always pick the horse that has the best name. I tend to go for the horse that I think is the gayest one of all of them. Probably why I never win any money. I mean, if it was a horse drag show, I would be sure to win lots of dough.
After the track, my parents will drop me off at my friend Mariah’s house and I will go trapsing in and out of the Albany gay bars for a couple of hours. I LOVE going to Albany gay bars. Even if I’m extra fat and covered in teenage acne angst, I’m still looked at as fresh meat and the guys will buy me drinks. Heh heh heh suckers.
At some point I will stumble into my parents house and go to bed. On Sunday morning, my brother will call us at the house. After talking to him, I will go to brunch with my moms and dads for Father’s Day. I’m hoping we go to Denny’s. It’s not very classy, but at classy places you don’t get to order things like Moons Over My Hammy. Or maybe even the Play it again Slam! HILARIOUS. I’ll probably get a cheeseburger. That’s what I ALWAYS get, no matter what restaurant I ever go to. But if we are at Denny's, I will order it like this:
"Hi waiter. May I please have a diet kizzle and a cheeseburger in the sky with diamonds?"
The waiter will say: "What's a cheeseburger in the sky with diamonds?"
Me: "What's a moon over my hammy?"
The waiter: "I see. One cheeseburger in the sky with diamonds coming up."
Me: "Go fuck yourself."
It will be great!
At 2pm, my friend Angie and I will board the train and head back to NYC. I’m sure we will have a couple glasses of wine on the train. I mean, it’s just what you do. God forbid we ever have a 3 hour period of our lives without shoving booze down our gullets. I mean, as I said, it’s just what you do.
Then next week is GAY PRIDE week in NYC! Then the week after that is my actual birthday (July 2nd)! Then the week after that I DIE!
It will be a crazy exhausting, but crazy fun couple of weeks. And it all starts today!
WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I mean, yahoo. I’m going to be 27, so I need to start acting like it.
yahoo.
I am muchly excited to go home to Albany this weekend. My parents have planned a weekend of fun for my upcoming birthday. Since I don’t have a free weekend from now until the beginning of August, my parents decided to do an early birthday celebration with me. They are super cute when it comes to things like this.
Tonight we will have a “relaxing cocktail” (as my mom called it…and she doesn’t even drink!) and open up my presents. After that, we will go out to a classy type dinner. And then after that we will return to my house to play some card games. I’m pretty psyched about it.
Since my brother won’t call us at home until Sunday, I get to sleep in really late tomorrow morning. I can’t explain how badly I need a day like that. It’s been a couple of weeks since I had more than 7 hours of rest in one sitting. After I awake, my mom and I will go tanning since my body is a shade darker than a bottle of Elmer’s glue.
We will have a light dinner together and then head up to Saratoga to the harness track! Last year when we went, one of the horses broke free and ran away from the track. When it reached the fence, separating the track from the street, it jumped it and smashed the harness that it was carrying behind it. The crowd gasped and I felt the tears rising in my throat. (I’ve always hated any type of animal cruelty…fuck you I still like going to the track) A few moments later we heard the gun shot and the horse was killed in front of thousands of cheering fans.
Ok sike. The horse was never shot. I took it home and made a spot for it in my bedroom. In any case, the track is always fun when I go with my parents. We bet like three dollars on each race. Since none of us know anything about gambling, we always pick the horse that has the best name. I tend to go for the horse that I think is the gayest one of all of them. Probably why I never win any money. I mean, if it was a horse drag show, I would be sure to win lots of dough.
After the track, my parents will drop me off at my friend Mariah’s house and I will go trapsing in and out of the Albany gay bars for a couple of hours. I LOVE going to Albany gay bars. Even if I’m extra fat and covered in teenage acne angst, I’m still looked at as fresh meat and the guys will buy me drinks. Heh heh heh suckers.
At some point I will stumble into my parents house and go to bed. On Sunday morning, my brother will call us at the house. After talking to him, I will go to brunch with my moms and dads for Father’s Day. I’m hoping we go to Denny’s. It’s not very classy, but at classy places you don’t get to order things like Moons Over My Hammy. Or maybe even the Play it again Slam! HILARIOUS. I’ll probably get a cheeseburger. That’s what I ALWAYS get, no matter what restaurant I ever go to. But if we are at Denny's, I will order it like this:
"Hi waiter. May I please have a diet kizzle and a cheeseburger in the sky with diamonds?"
The waiter will say: "What's a cheeseburger in the sky with diamonds?"
Me: "What's a moon over my hammy?"
The waiter: "I see. One cheeseburger in the sky with diamonds coming up."
Me: "Go fuck yourself."
It will be great!
At 2pm, my friend Angie and I will board the train and head back to NYC. I’m sure we will have a couple glasses of wine on the train. I mean, it’s just what you do. God forbid we ever have a 3 hour period of our lives without shoving booze down our gullets. I mean, as I said, it’s just what you do.
Then next week is GAY PRIDE week in NYC! Then the week after that is my actual birthday (July 2nd)! Then the week after that I DIE!
It will be a crazy exhausting, but crazy fun couple of weeks. And it all starts today!
WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I mean, yahoo. I’m going to be 27, so I need to start acting like it.
yahoo.
